Teenage issues:

1. THE GIFTS
2. THE ISSUES

THE GIFTS

I often wish they would take the word 'disorder' out of Attention Deficit as I do not see it as a disorder. I see it as a gift. It is a wonderful, vivacious personality that has a great sense of humour. There are just some sides of this personality that we have to learn to tone down!

When I was working with young children I used to think of them as the children with the sparkle in their eyes. We must make sure that they never lose that sparkle. Sometimes their sense of humour can be inappropriate, which gets them into trouble at school and in social settings. But it is a gift and we do not want them to lose it.

Attention Deficit is about innovative thinking. AD/HD can solve problems in a way that no other person can. They think outside of the box when looking for solutions. The world needs more of this type of personality. AD/HD have charisma, charm and a great sense of loyalty. Many make good lawyers as they have a strong passion for fairness and what is right. They are proud, sensitive and creative people with a high intellect. Remember intellect isn't something that is scored by academic results, it is just there. I have met many successful people with great intellect who have no academic qualifications.

The school setting was not designed for AD/HD. Ideally they would do well in a small group setting with individualised teaching. The school system has changed over the years and expects children to be self motivated and independent with good organisational skills. Parents are expecting children to be responsible for their actions and yet no-one is showing these children how to achieve this. It is no wonder that AD/HD are struggling in the educational system. Many are suspended at college level but in spite of this many still accomplish great things.

Teens: You must find what your passion is and follow it. You have more chance of achieving this than a non-adder. Look at your TV presenters, Hollywood actors, famous sports people and top businessmen. Most of these people had learning difficulties but rose above them to succeed. They followed their passion and with the help of their awesome personalities, they succeeded. You can to.

THE ISSUES
Driving
Substance use
Life skills
Anger
Depression

DRIVING

As with all things in an ADDers life, the 'need for speed' and 'everything in excess' also applies to driving. So you can imagine the stunts these guys can master in a car! Oh yes they are gifted but unfortunately they cannot afford to stay on the road too long. After thousands of dollars in fines (particularly for speeding, driving without a warrant- 'oops I forgot', and driving on a restricted with passengers 'what good is all this talent if you haven't got an audience to appreciate it?!') It is difficult to afford to keep the car on the road. But don't despair!.....chances are they won't keep their licences for long, and for parents it's a great relief when the police come and take their licences away or impound the car!

Yes our Teenadders are the epitome of the 'boy racers' or 'rota heads'. One blessing; if they are into Rotaries you will find the car is in the garage being repaired more often than it is on the road - the diff's can't take it! BURNOUT

ADDers have the highest number of driving offences but they do not score any higher than others in fatal accidents, so try not to worry.

Natural consequences:

·   Once the young person is sick of paying all of their wages in to the courts they
    start to gain common sense. Don't bail them out by paying their fines (sorry     guys).

·   The time they have their licences disqualified gives them time to stop and think.
    They really appreciate the freedom given back to them when they get their     licences returned. (Unfortunately some of our ADDers have to go through this a     few times before they learn.)

Strong suggestions for Parents:

·   Put off encouraging them to get a licence as long as you can. No other countries     put 15 year old children behind the wheel of a car and expect them to be     sensible. The driving laws in NZ have a lot to answer for.

·   When choosing a first car steer away from DOC Turbo's, RX7s or other cars that     have a lot of power in a small shell. (Wouldn't it be great if we could get them     into Morris Minors!)

·   Agree to them sitting their licences on the grounds that they attend a defensive     driving course. This will be appealing if you inform them it will cut down their     time on a restricted licence.

·   Don't let them drive if they are angry! It is a great release but is when they will     get the most fines. Try to calm them down before they get behind the wheel.

Lastly a note to the teens:

If you are fed up with paying fines,- stop getting pulled over! Politically it is the worst time for young people to be driving, particularly in Auckland and other 'boy racer' towns such as Tauranga. Instead of punishing you guys it would be far more affective if your local councils set up a safe place that you could race. I know young people have done this for generations but you are the generation that is paying for it. Try to get a number of you together and petition the local council to provide a drag strip that is monitored. I know the love of racing and burnouts but we've got to keep it off the roads. It will get you into so much debt! Don't forget MereMere have regular night events where you can race if you have a current drivers licence and warranted vehicle.

SUBSTANCE USE:

·   30-40% of substance abusers (marijuana, heroin, methadone) have ADD.

·   40% of children with ADHD are predisposed to developing substance abuse     during adolescence / adulthood.

There can be several reasons for this:

1   The body is more resistant to the affects of alcohol and drugs therefore you are      able to drink far more than others before feeling affected.

2   There is a natural predisposition to substance abuse and this is shown in the      genetic history. Often there will be family members that have had trouble with      addictions, whether it be substances or gambling etc.

3   Everything in excess! ADDers do not do things by halves. Unfortunately this      also applies to binge drinking. In my work with young people I have become      concerned with how much they are drinking and what they are drinking. Youth      culture now encourages binge drinking and mixing spirits. Also the combination      of alcohol and drugs is common. This is dangerous for most youth but for our      ADDers it is fatal particularly if on medication.

We can't say DON'T drink (for all we would like to!) but we can educate our youth      on how to drink sensibly:

·    If on Ritalin it is important not to have alcohol while Ritalin is in your system.

·    Drink sensibly. Do not mix spirits, in fact stay away from spirits if you can.

·    If you have 'overindulged' the night before, be careful taking Ritalin the next      morning. Chances are you will still have alcohol in your system.

·    Be careful if your mood changes 48 hours after having a good night out! Alcohol      is a depressant and you are more vulnerable to depression than others. Often      families do not see the connection if a young person is withdrawn and moody      on Monday after having a night out on Saturday. Watch for mood swings!

We CAN say DON'T do drugs:

·    Marijuana can have devastating affects on AD/HD. A young person can become      volatile and aggressive or withdrawn and lethargic.

·    Combine this with Ritalin or Dexamphetamine and you have a dangerous drug      induced cocktail that can lead to severe depression, or in the worst      scenario,schizophrenia or psychosis.

·    In the past 6 years I have dealt with 2 suicides. Both involved marijuana use. It      would be simplifying things if I said this was the cause. We still don't know      why a young person would take their life. However, we do know that the      marijuana use contributed to the outcome. Be careful - you are all too precious!

To the teens:

I am not saying you can or you can't do drugs. That can only be your choice. What I can do is give you all of the information so that you can make that decision for yourselves. Many times young people I have talked to about this have become angry, wanting to know why no-one had ever told them of the dangers. It could have prevented a lot of crisis situations if they'd known. I am amazed how some Specialists can diagnose an AD/HD teenager and prescribe medication without informing them of the risks of combining this medication with substances, let alone the affects substances can have on the AD/HD. It is negligence!

Read this with an open mind and make the right choice.

LIFE SKILLS (Preparing them for the real world)

In this section I am going to talk about basic life skills that you can work on with your Teen. These may seem trivial issues but as they become adults these are the issues they will have difficulty in with dire results.

Budgeting

Over the past 6 years I have seen the teens I have worked with enter the workforce. Most work extremely hard and impress their bosses with their enthusiasm and energy. They enjoy the praise from their employers, for many it is the first time they have experienced positive feedback for their hard work. They also enjoy the weekly reward of wages! For most, however, money runs through their hands like water. They are very generous when it comes to shouting their friends and as I said earlier, they often incur bills through their traffic fines. After working hard for 3 months or more they see they have nothing. In many cases they have made further debts by accessing loans.

ADDers do not deal well with financial pressures but they have a habit of attracting debt. The great sales slogans saying 'buy now, pay later' were made just for our ADDers. The reward is instant and you can worry about repayments down the track. Combine this with the costs of rent/board, power, petrol, car maintenance (diffs J) mobile phones (another trap) and basic living costs and the result is a stressed, depressed young person. The further they get into debt, the more depressed they become. The more depressed they become the further they fall behind financially. It is a vicious cycle that they need to break if they do not want to repeat this throughout their adult lives.

We can assist them by teaching them about basic budgeting and financial management from a very young age.

The best of us have been nagged into submission by our AD/HD teen instead of making them save their pocket money for that special item. We do them no favours by giving in as they get the wrong expectations of what life is about.

Suggestion:

·    Find a good budgeting course and enrol your teen. These courses should be a      compulsory part of the college curriculum, but are not.

·    Get them to shop for food and cook dinner once a week. This will teach them to      eat within a budget. It will also stop those chauvinists amongst them who feel      cooking is a woman's job!

·    Teach them how to do a tax return. I know of a very successful property      developer with AD/HD who is constantly in trouble with IRD for forgetting to      put in his tax return.

Organisational skills:

I hope by now that you have been able to teach them basic organisational skills. If      not, now is the time!

1   Show your teen how to use a daily diary. Make sure that you buy one with a      'list of things to do' column.

2   Perhaps you can have a wall calendar in their room as this is visual. Get them     to write important dates on the calendar eg: assignments due, birthdays etc.



3   Have them record these dates in diary.

4   Each night have them check their diary so that they know what is happening the     next day and to ensure that they are prepared.

5   Start teaching them how to use their lists of things to do. All AD/HD adults need     to rely on lists throughout their lives. Some develop this skill very well and     become extremely organised people.

6   If you have difficulty with organisation yourself go to number 1 and teach     yourself at the same time! Sometimes it is necessary for the whole family to     change and become more organised. It is vital they gain these skills.
    These are some of the basic life skills needed for AD/HD teenagers to help them     in their adult life.

Anger

AD/HD anger is like a volcano. It builds up through the day and explodes over trivial issues. When a teenager is increasingly volatile it is showing that they are very stressed and something is wrong. Go back and check the Treatment section of this website and see if the right things are in place.
Most AD/HD anger is caused by frustration or hurt. You need to talk with your teen to find out what is wrong. Pick a time when they are calm, do not confront, particularly if they are agitated. In most cases you will find there is a reason for their display of anger. Listen without reacting then try to help them solve the problem.

Suggestions for when they are angry: (Refer to Parent Tips)

1   Don't react
2   Try saying; When you have calmed down then I will talk with you.
3   If this fails WALK AWAY. Don't feed the anger by retaliating. We need to model      how to act appropriately. Repeat the 'when and then' statement.
4   Use time out. This means that you say: 'You are obviously angry. Why don't you      go to your room and listen to some music for 5 minutes, I'll make myself a cup      of tea, then when you have calmed down we can talk.

It is not until after they have calmed down and told you what is wrong that you can discuss what they could do next time they feel they are getting angry.

This is a step by step process. We have to teach them how to recognise they are getting angry, suggest ways they can deal with the anger before it gets extreme and help coach them through it. It takes patience and a calm, quiet voice. I know this sounds exhausting but it takes more energy to stand and argue back than to try and defuse.

Other strategies are:

Have a chart made up on your wall that has '3 things I can do when I feel angry'. Have the teen write the list themselves.

These suggestions may be:

1   Listen to music
2   Kick the ball around outside
3   Talk to someone

When you feel your teen is becoming angry, just point to the list. No words are needed.
Our aim is for the young person to identify they are getting angry and go to the list themselves, without any prompting, choose a strategy and enforce it.

Depression

AD/HD have a high predisposition to depression.

·   This is partly genetic, members of the family may have suffered from     depression.
·   It is also due to their sensitive personalities. They take things to heart and are     easily hurt.
·   The other factor is their high energy levels which are hard to sustain long term.     They get burn out especially if they have insufficient sleep.
·   Their environment can also affect depression.

Not all AD/HD suffer from depression but in teenage years it is something we must look out for.
Positive factors that assist the prevention of depression:

1   A stable home environment
2   Educational interventions
3   Early detection and treatment of AD/HD
4   Positive peer relationships
5   Abstinence from substance use

If you are concerned about depression, contact your medical Specialist.
For more info Email us at Teenadders@xtra.co.nz

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Teenadders Inc
P.O. Box 54
592b Whangaparoa Rd, Stanmore bay
Ph:09-424-2880 Fax 09-424-2894 Mobile 027-309-6442
Helensville Office: 09-420-9362
Email: info@teenadders.org.nz